It's Not You, It's...No, Wait, It's You

While I love the new “Petition to Make Bromance A Relationship Status,” in general facebook relationships scare me. Senior year of high school, a friend confessed that he liked me, then did nothing. We continued to go on the same, hanging out as friends. I didn’t know what to think, except that maybe he’d stopped liking me. Then, three weeks later, I get a relationship request from him to be my “boyfriend” on facebook. WHAT?! I call him immediately, demanding to know how I managed to miss us entering into a relationship, and he sounded confused, saying “What? We were basically dating anyway” and that clearly it was reasonable of him to post that.

Facebook relationship statuses are a gateway to communication-lacking, romance-ending, generally dysfunctional relationships. My roommate, currently desiring an “On Hold For _____” relationship status, reflected back on her facebook relationships and realized that during high school her first two boyfriends, the unimportant, disposable ones, were entered as relationships on facebook, while her last two serious, omg-what-if-I’ve-met-my-soulmate-at-16 relationships, neglected to become facebook official. She concludes that it is all about other people’s perception. “If you’re in a real relationship, there’s no need for it to be on facebook” she states.

The endings are always, always, awkward. Take it from me. The actual break-up with the aforementioned facebook-asker-outer was far easier than canceling the relationship on facebook. And, “It’s Complicated with _____” and “In an Open Relationship with _____”? They are only child-sized steps up from “Occasionally drunkenly stumbling into bed with _____” or “Currently testing my boundaries with ______.” For one, it’s pretty much always complicated with someone. And second, I don’t think I’ve ever seen “In an Open Relationship with _____” used seriously, because most of the time that other person doesn’t know it is open.

Basically, all I’m saying is don’t bombard my news feed with your relationship statuses. Save room for real, hard-hitting news, like what photos you’ve just uploaded.