It's Not You, It's...No, Wait, It's You

posted by superbrew

We had just woken up and, as is her custom, Sarah had gone straight to the pantry to forage for something delicious to eat for breakfast. Her breakfasts always contain chocolate, and they usually involve cookies, ice-cream, or both. It was around ten a.m., and I was still groggy, unshaven, and pajama-clad. I stumbled over to sit next to her at the kitchen table, and we sat there for a moment in silence; Sarah intensely focused on her dessert/breakfast, and me fantasizing about how great that first cup of coffee would be once I’d gathered the energy to go through the frustrating process of brewing it. Sarah broke the silence by saying, “So, what’s the plan?”, and I naturally reponded by saying, “I assume you’re refering to our zombie contingency plan?”. I firmly believe that every sensible person should have a thorough plan for the inevitable zombie attack, and Sarah has always agreed with this assertion. “Of course that’s what I’m talking about,” she answered. I laughed, and sighed, and fantasized again about the delicious coffee that I would soon enjoy. Then I had a thought of considerable gravity, so I turned to Sarah with my brow furrowed in concern and I told her, “I know its stupid, and it goes against everything I’ve ever said about surviving the global zombie crisis, but if you became a zombie I wouldn’t be able to shoot you. I would have to just lock you up in an attic or something.” At this, Sarah shifted her focus away from her breakfast entirely, and she sternly demanded, “Ted, if I become a zombie, you shoot me damn it. I would definitely shoot you. Don’t be an idiot!” She then went back to her sugary meal, and after a moment of realizing she was absolutely right, I said, “Well, I’ll try to shoot you in the side of the head. You know, so I don’t damage your face.” She looked at me and smiled, I smiled back at her, and in that moment I felt deeply in love. It’s good to have a wife who is so wise. She keeps me in line.